last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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