This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
