i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
