I want to make a zoo with you.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
