Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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