im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
