remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
