If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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