Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
