he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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