i may or may not be watching the land before time
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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