Don't make out with my wife yet
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
