i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
