so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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