so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What a dumb baby whore.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
