Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
