Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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