I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I smell like Dick and happiness
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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