If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
