I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
