He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
