Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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