I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
