I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
