I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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