i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize