I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We are two peas in an std pod
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
