I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize