i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
not ubering you a puppy
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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