Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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