i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I looked at my own cervix.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
