2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize