Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
