; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
