How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
