There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
