"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
