I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
