he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
