The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
