Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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