I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
