It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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