jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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