wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
