it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
