I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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