you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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