There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
