apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
