Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
