1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The power of my boobs compel you
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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