This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize