Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
