Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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