And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
