i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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