I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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