Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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