im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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