I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
