yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
