my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
