there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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