I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
