Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
