I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
