Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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